Rainbow Snippet May 7th

Rainbow Snippets is a group for LGBTQ+ authors, readers, and bloggers to gather once a week to share six sentences from a work of fiction–a WIP or a finished work or even a 6-sentence book recommendation (no spoilers please!).

In this group you’ll find anything from romance and historical fiction to mystery and YA. The common thread is that every story’s main character identifies as LGBTQ+. The snippets could range from zero flames to full-on sexytimes, anything goes content-wise. The only rule is snippets will be 6 sentences long–one for each color in the Pride flag.

I would invite everyone to please come check out the Rainbow Snippets group, click on a link, read and comment on the writing available and get involved yourselves in this awesome exercise. The link to the group can be found HERE. 

This week, I have something a bit new, very rough, its from the rocker/bodyguard story I've been toying with. 

Look Jessie said at last. "I get it okay, you hate me, so let’s make it easy. I resign from the band effective immediately. As soon as the bank opens after the holiday I’ll put it in writing and get it notarized. That should make everyone happy and you won’t ever have to be disappointed in me again.”

“And that’s going to solve what?”

“Everything apparently because all of the bands issues would be solved.”

“And what about your issues?” Kyle demanded and grabbed Jesse’s arm.

“Like you give a damn.” Jesse grumbled trying to shake his grip off.

“I’m asking, aren’t I? Doesn’t that count for anything?”

“I don’t know anymore,” Jesse said softly.

On Desolation Angel and the Desolation Tour to come

My latest release, Desolation Angel has been out for two months now, but with all the things that have been going on in my life since then, this has been the first time I’ve had the opportunity to really sit down and write a bit about how truly special Desolation Angel is to me.

Desolation Angel was the first full length novel I’d tried to write in over a decade, the one before that had been in a novel writing class and while I had played with it over the years, I’d never felt that it to a level where I could show it to anyone. In that space between the class and writing Desolation Angel, I worked on little pieces. Poems, short stories, flash fiction, roleplay storylines for the online RPG game I was involved in, and somewhere in all of that, I wrote a little novella called Cold Confusion and found myself looking for a place to share it.

That search eventually lead me to the Gay Authors site. I signed up for a membership and posted my first story, which went through a mod, Cia, who sent me an email regarding the story and offered to work with me to polish it up to site standards. For me that was such a confidence booster. Here was someone telling me my story had merit, it just needed cleaning up a bit, so enthused, I jumped into the editing process and soon my story appeared.

At the time, I figured I’d gotten it out of my system. I’d never written M/M romance before though I very much enjoyed reading it, so I figured Cold Confusion would just be a one off, after all, it had been ten years since I’d tried to write anything long, by then I just didn’t figure I had it in me anymore. It had been a dream in my youth to be a writer, but by that point I was in my later thirties, too old for dreams, or so I thought. Then low and behold, this character popped into my head, and he was brilliant but troubled. His musical dreams were sparked by something I’d read while doing some research on a classical composer, and his friends and band members were an amalgam of different characters I’d written over the years.

I’d never imagined myself writing a romance, in fact, I don’t really consider Desolation Angel to be one. Yet, there is elements of a relationship forming, but this story is more about finding oneself and understanding that everyone is different, and meant to be special in their own right. My focus was to show that the idea we have of what is normal does not always fit who we are or who we were meant to be.

Dare is a troubled but beautiful soul and those who surround him know that. For some of them, no, it isn’t an issue, and while it is an issue for Sionn, it’s his fear for Dare’s safety that makes it so, not his desire for Dare to be like everyone else. Of course it doesn’t come through that way, when do we ever manage to convey things correctly when we are terrified?

Of course there is another relationship in the book, that is touched upon but not fully explored, yet, you see, about halfway through Desolation Angel I realized that I would never be able to tell their story in one book, so I started panning for a time when they would go on tour. There, it would be far easier to explore not only the ties that hold them all together, but them on the stage and the energy of performances.

That book is outlined already and writing will begin soon, I have two other semi-finished projects to complete first. To tell the truth, I’m excited to get started. I love the Desolation Angel group, I love what I’ve started there and the potential for where their story can go.

I also wanted to take a moment and talk about the pair that through the book is stalking them. You see, that’s taken from a memory, events of a misspent young adulthood and associations that were on the less than savory side. So yes, that need to get revenge might seem a little single minded to some or even far-fetched, but people do a lot of messed up shit when they think they’ve been wronged. Trying to save a reputation, or pay someone back for disrespecting them can become an obsession, and we all know that people can be obsessed with dumb shit that can land them in some pretty messed up situations. I wanted to explore that, not just in book one, but because there are things from Dare’s quest to be normal that will bite him in the rear later when the band is on tour. That instance lays the groundwork for one of them.

Writing Desolation Angel gave me the courage to write Guitars and Cages, as did the feedback I received from those who read Desolation Angel and fell in love with Dare just like I had. That book was the start of a new dream for me, and I am proud to say that earlier in the month I submitted both Burning Luck and a novella I had written a few National Novel Writing Months back, called Even Poseidon Drowns. They make up my seventh and eighth submissions to Wayward Ink, well if one doesn’t count the three short stories for anthology I’ve turned in.

Currently, I am working on a snakeshifter book I started over a year ago, it’s about halfway complete, and I am hoping that on my 18 day roadtrip I can knock out a big chunk of what remains. As for the Desolation Tour, I expect to have it finished by Christmas, as it will be this year’s NaNo project. It feels good to have goals again.

Here is a link to Desolation Angel on All Romance ebooks, it’s on sale right now, a great opportunity to give Dare and the band a chance.

https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-desolationangel-1989899-149.html

Here’s the link to it at Amazon too both places give the opportunity to read the first chapter.

https://www.amazon.com/Desolation-Angel-Layla-Dorine-ebook/dp/B01C1E03BS/ref=sr_1_3?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1462638863&sr=1-3

...And all Shall Fade to Black continues

Jax sat in a circle among the other participants of the eating disorder group he’d been meeting with for the past three weeks. It wasn’t easy, sharing his issues with strangers, but he was learning that it helped him look at food differently and understand that it was okay to have something unhealthy every now and again without feeling like he had to pay for it by starving himself and putting in extra workouts.

The binging was harder to deal with though, as was the headspace he found himself in when those moments hit. He hadn’t been able to share those thoughts with the group yet, most of the time he just tried really hard to ignore them or berated himself until they went away. Like this morning, when he’d felt the urge to buy half a dozen donuts on the way back from him run and start scarfing them on the short walk between the bakery and his door.

On one hand, he felt fortunate that he’d only eaten three before rational thought kicked in and made him hand off the rest to Callum, but that didn’t mean he’d stopped beating himself up over it. Sighing, he shifted in his seat and told himself to focus on the African American man who was speaking.

“Sometimes I eat when I’m not even hungry,” the man explained. “And yet I can’t seem to stop myself from getting up and going to the fridge. My wife is constantly yelling at me about eating all of the leftovers and getting into her shakes and yogurts, but I can’t seem to help myself.”

“Let’s talk a moment about what you feel while this is taking place,” the group leader said. “Are you board, restless, stressed? Many people find themselves using food as an escape from something else.”

“I wouldn’t say I was stressed out,” the man said. “Bored maybe, it feels like I’ve gotten into such a rut lately. Every morning I get up and I go to work and when I come home I find myself too tired to do anything but sit in my chair, turn on the television and make constant trips back and forth between that chair and the fridge until it’s time to go to bed.”

“Then perhaps it’s time that you look for activities you can do outside of your home. Explore a hobby, or a recreational sports league, perhaps even find something that you and your wife can do together so that you’re not simply sitting in front of the television each day.”

“I used to play football, back in high school and college,” the man said. “Thought about joining a park league but it seems like I miss the signups every year.”

“Then that might be something to plan for in order to not miss it next year. In the meantime, what else do you enjoy?”

The man shrugged. “Never given it much thought.”

“Perhaps it’s time you should.”

The whole time the man was talking, Jax was thinking about his own life. He’d never been one for television, and he was rarely bored, but when he was stressed, or feeling negatively about something in his life, he found himself eating more. In fact, all of his binges had come after big disappointments, the worst being after Jason had cheated on him and broken up with him because he hadn’t fit the ideal Jason had for what he’d wanted his boyfriend to look like.

Jax had been trying so hard too. Working his ass off in the gym to get cut and lose the last bits of extra weight he’d still been carrying around. After Jason’s betrayal, he’d done nothing but hold a private pity party for himself and indulge in every sugary treat he could get his hands on, indulging himself in a pity party of epic proportions until he’d woken up once morning and realized that only two pairs of jeans still fit.

After that, he’d never allowed himself to backslide so horribly, but a few time it had come close, and that had scared him so badly he’d made himself sick trying to make up for it.

“When I’m upset I eat,” Jax blurted, the words leaving his mouth before he could fully give himself time to think.

She nodded in encouragement and gave him a small smile. “That has been one of my biggest struggles too,” she admitted.

“I was always the fat kid, all through school, I guess I used food to make up for the fact that I was lonely, and that I was shy and I was never really good at fitting in, plus, it was kind of hard to make friends with people when their parents never wanted them to hang out at your house because your mom always seemed to have a different guy over.” Jax said.

His hands were on his knees and his eyes on the ground as he spoke, but now that he’d started opening up it was very hard to stop.

“There was always something in the fridge to eat though, and it wasn’t until I got older that I started looking in the mirror and hating what I saw. The only problem with that is, once I started, I can’t seem to figure out how to stop. I still look in the mirror and see that fat kid and when things go wrong, I still turn to food to make me feel better, even though I have friends I can talk to and someone who’s becoming very special to me.”

The change in his pocket jangled a little as he bounced his knee up and down.

“The thing is, I keep asking myself what he could possibly see in me. How he could ever find me attractive? I want to be with him but I keep thinking that it will only be a matter of time before he finds someone better and ditches me or cheats on me and I know that isn’t fair to him, to judge him by the things that one of my ex’s did, but I don’t know how to put away that fear.”

“One day at a time,” the group leader said. “And with honesty and conversation so he knows that you have issues that you are working through.”

Jax nodded. “He knows, sort of, I mean, I haven’t really been able to tell him my fears about him and I, but I’ve told him a little bit about my life when I was growing up.”

“I take it this is a new relationship?”

“Yeah.”

“Then as you both come to know each other better, these are things that you will want to share with him,” she explained. “It takes time and effort and sometimes a lot of setbacks before you’ll start to be able to look at yourself differently and even then, there might be times when something triggers you to slip back into old habits. If you can share what you’re dealing with, than the people that are closest of you will be better prepared to help you.”

“Even my sister and my closest friends don’t know all of it,” Jax admitted. “I’ve tried to keep it hidden and deal with it, but sometimes it’s too much and I can’t handle it on my own.”

“And that’s when you need to let others in and allow them to help you.”

“I have the same problem,” a blond girl three people away from Jax said. Carol, he thought her name was. “I try to keep my binging a secret, and I feel so ashamed when I notice that my clothes are fitting tighter. I lost my boyfriend over it all about a month ago and that’s just made it harder.”

“Did he, um, break up with you because of your weight?” Jax asked as politely as he could, not wanting to offend her or hurt her feelings. He knew first hand how bad that felt.

She just shook her head. “No, he told me over and over again that he didn’t have a problem with my weight, that he loved me. What he couldn’t deal with was me freaking out and getting jealous every time he talked to or even looked at a skinny girl.”

“I can relate to that,” Jax said.

“Is your guy built like you?” The blond woman beside the group leader asked.

Jax shook his head. “No, he’s shorter than me, a little stocky.”

“But you smile when you talk about him and your eyes light up,” she said. “It’s pretty obvious that you’re into him even if he doesn’t look like he’s spent hours and hours in the gym. So why shouldn’t he feel the same about you?”

Jax blinked, because damn, he’d never thought about it that way. True, Danny wasn’t built like most of the guys he’d been with and while he tended to lean towards women who were curvy with a little extra meat, he’d never considered that they might want him even if he was less than ripped. Maybe there was more skewed about his thinking than he’d ever considered.

Jax never could find an answer to her question and when the meeting broke up a short time later, he checked his watch, grateful to see that he had two hours to kill before he had to be at the shop. Gassing up the bike, he headed out of town to cruse the highway and try to get his mind straight. 

Rainbow Snippet May 1

Rainbow Snippets is a group for LGBTQ+ authors, readers, and bloggers to gather once a week to share six sentences from a work of fiction–a WIP or a finished work or even a 6-sentence book recommendation (no spoilers please!).

In this group you’ll find anything from romance and historical fiction to mystery and YA. The common thread is that every story’s main character identifies as LGBTQ+. The snippets could range from zero flames to full-on sexytimes, anything goes content-wise. The only rule is snippets will be 6 sentences long–one for each color in the Pride flag.

I would invite everyone to please come check out the Rainbow Snippets group, click on a link, read and comment on the writing available and get involved yourselves in this awesome exercise. The link to the group can be found HERE. 

So the last few weeks I have been treating you to pieces of my snakeshifter WIP, unfortunately, things have been so hectic that I haven't been able to work on that novel for awhile, soo, I'm switching gears today to bring you a piece from my dirtbike novel Racing the Sky which will be released later this year. 

Rubbing his temples Nicky followed them, stopping in the doorway as Terry pulled a suitcase from the back of the closet and began to pack.

“Hey,” Nicky piped up, “That’s my T-shirt.”

Terry scowled and threw it at him.

“Those are my jeans too.”

Terry held them up, looking them over before he tossed them to Nicky. “They look better on me.”

Nicky seethed as he counted to thirty and then counted to thirty again, holding his tongue rather than going off on Terry. 

Rainbow Snippet April 24th

Rainbow Snippets is a group for LGBTQ+ authors, readers, and bloggers to gather once a week to share six sentences from a work of fiction–a WIP or a finished work or even a 6-sentence book recommendation (no spoilers please!).

In this group you’ll find anything from romance and historical fiction to mystery and YA. The common thread is that every story’s main character identifies as LGBTQ+. The snippets could range from zero flames to full-on sexytimes, anything goes content-wise. The only rule is snippets will be 6 sentences long–one for each color in the Pride flag.

I would invite everyone to please come check out the Rainbow Snippets group, click on a link, read and comment on the writing available and get involved yourselves in this awesome exercise. The link to the group can be found HERE. 

I'm late to the Snippet party this week, been gathering the pieces together to revamp my kitchen new paint, flooring, sink, soon as my son grabs us a paintbrush from the hardware store (because of course i forgot that) we'll get started. Today's snippet is from my current work in progress Serpent's Kiss. (A Snakeshifter Novel) 

His vision was no longer filled with dancing rainbow colors and his heartbeat wasn’t pounding a rhythm in his chest or brain. He wasn’t calm yet, could have used water or even better, something with sugar, but for now he figured that he was about as steady as he was going to get, even with his hand shaking. Not like Zxex cared, the other man was glaring at him and tapping his foot impatiently.

“You want to wait to pass out until after you tell me,” Zxex complained.

“Maybe I should just not tell you.” Darrell grumbled Zxex’s eyes narrowed and he sat on the edge of Darrell’s bed, then reclined, getting comfortable.

“Fine, I’ll just stay until you do.” Zxex declared.

Darrell was too tired and too shaky for this shit, he needed Zxex to leave so he could lay down and finish pulling himself together, imagine Zaiden’s fingers combing through his hair, maybe even stretched out on the bed behind him one arm clasped across his abs as he steadily kept conversation going to keep Darrell from drifting off again. It happened sometimes aftershock visions, wild, random things that felt as if they’d been plucked from the air.

Rainbow Snippet April 16

Rainbow Snippets is a group for LGBTQ+ authors, readers, and bloggers to gather once a week to share six sentences from a work of fiction–a WIP or a finished work or even a 6-sentence book recommendation (no spoilers please!).

In this group you’ll find anything from romance and historical fiction to mystery and YA. The common thread is that every story’s main character identifies as LGBTQ+. The snippets could range from zero flames to full-on sexytimes, anything goes content-wise. The only rule is snippets will be 6 sentences long–one for each color in the Pride flag.

I would invite everyone to please come check out the Rainbow Snippets group, click on a link, read and comment on the writing available and get involved yourselves in this awesome exercise. The link to the group can be found HERE. 

Today's snippet is from my current work in progress Serpent's Kiss. (A Snakeshifter Novel) 

“When you said early, I didn’t quite think you meant before the will-o-the wisps faded.”

“They have faded,” Zaiden informed him, but his eyes were raking over Darian’s bare chest in a manner that wasn’t as detatched as he usually seemed. “You should take a shower and then dress, while you do, I’ll explain how today is going to go.”

“You’re gonna explain it to me while I’m in the shower?”

“Somehow I have the impression that you do not have a modesty issue.”

“You’d be right, but I was pretty god da-errr, pretty sure you did.”

“And what gave you that impression?”

....And All Shall Fade to Black (April 15th update)

Despite how sure he was that he knew who the killer was, Jax was proved wrong in the end, much to the enjoyment of a smirking Danny.

“So nightcap it is,” Jax said as he laced his hand with Danny. The look of surprise on Danny’s face was more than enough to make him let go immediately and duck his head, his face turning a light shade of scarlet.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind holding hands,” Danny said as he reached out and took Jax’s hand in his own. Jax gave him a small smile before they began the short walk back to Danny’s car. One day, Jax hoped to get him on his motorcycle, his body tightening a little as he imagined the feel of Danny pressed against his back, his arms wrapped tightly around Jax’s middle.

“…so what did you think?” Danny asked, and Jax blinked, realizing he’d missed part of the conversation.

“Sorry,” he muttered, his face turning scarlet again. “What do I think about what?”

“The erotic art show,” Danny said. “It opens on Thursday and all of the proceeds go to a wonderful foundation that promotes heathy, sex positive lifestyle.”

“That sounds pretty cool actually, and I really enjoyed our trip to the museum a few weeks back. I’d be curious to see the artwork, actually, were you planning to go?”

Danny laughed. “That’s what I was trying to ask you. I plan to go opening night and since Thursdays are your day off, I was wondering if you’d like to go with me?”

Jax gave Danny’s hand a little squeeze. “That would be fun, I’d love to.”

“Perfect, maybe we can have dinner before hand?”

“Sure, have you tried the new seafood place over on Columbus Street, they have amazing clam chowder and their scallops are damn near perfect,” Jax said. “I found it a couple nights ago when I was on my dinner break.”

Danny grinned at the enthusiasm Jax showed for the restaurant and the food they served. He’d been surprised to see Jax clean his plate at the murder mystery dinner and eat his desert as well, and he couldn’t help but wonder what had changed in Jax’s life to motivate  him to start eating properly. Unfortunately, he knew he couldn’t ask without risking a fight between them, and this moment just felt so right that the last thing he wanted to do was ruin it.

Jax opened the door for him when they got to the car, even though it was Danny who would be driving. The gesture only softened Danny more to the prospect of dating Jax. Yes, he had issues, and yes there was a great deal they would need to talk about if things were going to work between them, but when Danny looked at the big, tattooed bear of a man, he realized that despite his best efforts not to fall for him, he had done just that.

In the car, Jax sang along softly to the radio, an old classic rock song, and Danny listened, a little surprised at how well Jax could sing. It didn’t take long to reach the apartment, and as soon as they stepped inside they were greeted by Callum and Max whose door was open as they played cards and listened to an old George Carlin tape.

“How was the murder mystery dinner?” Max asked.

“Fucking awesome,” Jax replied his face lightning up with a smile. “I screwed up and picked the wrong killer though.”

Callum chuckled.

“See, I told you that sometimes mysteries can surprise you.”

“The actors did an amazing job,” Danny said. “You guys should check it out sometime. Maybe we can all go together.”

“That would be pretty cool,” Jax said.

“Yeah, you’ll have to tell us when the next one is that you can actually get to.” Max said. “With your schedule, Jax, you’ll prolly have to wait for a day when you don’t have anyone booked.”

“Like that’s gonna happen anytime soon,” Jax muttered. “I’m already pretty booked for the upcoming week, but I will let you know when my schedule eases up.”

“Sounds good,” Max said.

“Well, we’ll talk to you guys later,” Jax said.

“Or you guys could always join us and have a couple beers,’ Callum offered.

“Nope,” Danny said with a grin. “Jax lost a bet when he chose the wrong killer, so we’re heading upstairs for a nightcap.”

Max snickered a little, covering it up with his hand while Callum just raised and eyebrow.

“We’ll see you guys later,” Jax said as he took Danny’s hand and led him up the stairs.

^^^

As always, entering Danny’s apartment meant being greeted by Lyric, Chorus and Inferno, who mewed and attempted to trip them up until they were given what they felt was the proper amount of attention. Danny watched as Jax rubbed Lyrics ears while trying to stop Chorus from climbing up his arm and onto his shoulder, a losing effort once Inferno decided to put his paws on Jax’s chest and rub his face beneath Jax’s chin.

Grinning, Jax took the attention in stride before Danny finally took mercy on him and shooed the cats away.

“You’re good with animals, did you have a bunch of pets growing up?” Danny asked.

“Mostly goldfish,” Jax explained. “But they always seemed to live a really long time. I had a couple gerbils too, and a hamster.”

“No cats or dogs?”

“Nope, my mom didn’t like cats, didn’t want there to be a litterbox somewhere that might offend her male callers, and dogs scared her.”

“That sucks, I’ve always had cats, but when I was growing up we had a dog too.”

“What kind?”

“Sally was a Dalmatian, bouncy as hell and always full of energy. It was a good thing we had a huge backyard because she loved it when someone threw something for her to fetch.”

“What happened to her?”

“She passed away when she was eighteen, right in front of the fireplace, which was her favorite spot.”

Danny watched Jax’s face color a little before he ducked his head. “Damn, I’m sorry.”

“I’m not,” Danny insisted. “She lived a long, full life. Made my days a whole lot fuller having her in them.”

Jax frowned a little and Danny could see that he was struggling to understand. He decided to give him a moment while he headed to the kitchen to make them drinks.

“Hope coffee and whiskey sounds good, that’s really the only alcohol I keep around the place.”

“Works for me,” Jax said. “I know you have a thing about alcohol.

Danny chuckled as he put the coffee on to brew.

“I don’t have anything against alcohol, just the way it makes some people act.”

Jax’s frown turned into a scowl. “And what, you thought me and Callum and Max would act like assholes just ‘cause we were having a couple beers?”

“It’s not as if I knew any of you well, still don’t, really, but I wasn’t willing to take the chance.” Danny admitted. “But hey, at least now you know that I’m not completely reckless and irresponsible about who I let into my life.”

“Hey, I apologized for that.”

“Yeah, I know, just saying.”

Jax ran his fingers through his hair, lifting it from the nap of his neck before letting it fall back into place. His face was tinged lightly with red and I could tell that I’d embarrassed him a little. It hadn’t been my intention though I had to admit that it was easier dealing with that Jax than the one who was opinionated and in control.

“When I was growing up my mom dated a lot of jerks,” Jax said softly. “Guys like your ex, Sean, who’d call her names and beat on her. She’d run the whole gamut of bullshit dealing with them, from trying to change herself to be everything they wanted to excepting all of their apologies every time they decided she’d make a good punching bag. I guess seeing that shit with you and Sean just made me think too much about her and the past and I got pissed off all over again.”

Now it was my turn to feel a little bit of shame and discomfort as I headed back to the kitchen to pour the coffee and add the booze. He’d said he had issues but I never imagined they tied in with my experience, nor had I ever considered that what he’d witnessed and been forced to break up had affected him on a level that had nothing to do with me.

“I’m sorry, I thought you were just being a jerk because you thought I was weak,” Danny finally admitted.

“It was a little of that, I was mad that you didn’t fight back even if he was bigger,” Jax admitted. “Then I felt like a jerk, because he’d have probably hurt you more.”

“Yeah,” Danny admitted.

“Was that the first night he hit you?”

Danny nodded. “I don’t know what he was using that night. other times he’d come in pissed off and yelling, but I always tried to stay calm and get him to settle down. That night I was tired of it all and I wanted him to leave, maybe I should have waited until whatever it was had worked its way out of his system, but I was over it all by that point and wanted to move on.”

“No, I, umm, I’m glad you didn’t wait,” Jax said. “It might have gotten worse.”

He sipped his coffee watching me over the rim of the mug. I loved his eyes, the blue of them was so bright and vibrant I felt like I could almost drown in them. Like they were the ocean and I was lost at sea. Then he smiled and the view changed from beautiful to stunning.

“I’m glad you agreed to come to diner with me tonight,” he said. “I was afraid I’d messed things up completely. I…”

He started chewing on his lower lip, his gaze having turned from my face to the coffee he swirled in his mug.

“I felt like such an asshole when I left here the day you shut the door in my face. I was trying to find the words to explain to you that I really liked you a lot but that I had a lot of trouble liking myself and I didn’t really know how to do relationships well. I didn’t mean to make you feel as if I thought you weren’t worth dating, its um, more like I’m not worth dating.”

“Who the fuck told you that?”

Jax was blinking, and it took me a moment to realize that he was blinking up at me and that I had shot to my feet and was now shaking with rage and frustration in front of my chair with my fists clenched. Whoa, I needed to calm down a moment and take stock of why his words had pissed me off so badly. Maybe it was the tone and the soul deep realization I’d had that he absolutely, one hundred percent believed what he’d just said.

Taking a deep breath I forced myself to open my fists and step into his space. His mug was almost empty so I plucked it from his fingers and set it down on the table beside him. Dropping to my knees in front of him I press forward, forcing him to open his legs so I could slot myself between them. That put me face to face with him, though he was trying to look anywhere but at me.

That wouldn’t do.

I slid my palms against his cheeks, framed his face and titled it so I could see those gorgeous eyes again.

“Whoever told you that you weren’t worth dating lied. Anyone who’d make you feel that way is the one who wasn’t worth anything.”

I was shocked when his eyes teared up but more shocked when he kissed me. Gentle, slow, I could taste the tears that were flowing down his cheeks, my fingertips were wet with them. I slid my fingers higher, into his hair, puling just a little and he moaned and angled his head just right to slot our lips together firmly, his kiss growing more intense. Needing more I deepened it, needing to show him how I’d come to feel for him, how awesome I thought he was, despite anything that he might feel was wrong with himself.

How long we kissed I don’t know, just that when I pulled back we were both panting and his pupils were blown wide with lust and longing. He growled and it was the sexist thing I’d heard in a long time. Then he was kissing me again, and there was only wild, unrestrained passion. Holy shit it was like he was spilling electricity through my body, invading my soul with his tongue and the little nips he kept delivering to my lips.

“Danny,” he growled, pulling away, his hands going to my shoulders to hold me in place when I tried to move to kiss him again. “Danny we gotta stop or I’m gonna tackle you to the floor and beg you to fuck me.”

Oh. Holy. Shit. Never in my wildest fantasies of us together had I ever pictured that I might be the one fucking him. I’d taken him for strict top, yet another way that I’d misjudged him. We still had so much to learn about one another. It would be easy, so damned easy to give in to lust and desire right there on the floor. but I wanted to know him better, needed to share more of myself with him too. I wanted to take things slow and keep building on this thing between us, so I nodded, and scooted back more.

“I want you,” I told him softly as I gently caressed his cheek. “But I want to know you better first.”

“Me too,” he said as he pressed his cheek against my palm and closed his eyes. There was something so vulnerable about that gesture that for a moment I forgot which of us was the big, tatted up biker and which of us was the small theater geek. He made me feel…needed and not in the ways other had, that had just left me feeling used.

“Do you want to go for a walk tomorrow morning?” I asked.

“I’d like that very much,” he relied as he climbed to his feet. He reached for me, pulling me into a hug and holding me close, kissed the top of my head, and whispered goodnight before he slipped out the door. For several moments I simply stood there in the silence, a smile on my lips.

That had been the best nightcap ever.