Lactose Intolerant Part 4
Rounding the corner to the organic section, they found the island with the coffees, teas and nuts, a long row of dispensers with plastic baggies to collect dried goods in. Grabbing two at a time they filled them with green tea leaves and light roast beans, tied them off and grabbed two more. Expresso beans this time and red rooibos tea, the packages stacked on top of the other two. The third time around they shoved the bags beneath the yogurt covered raisins, 'yogurt covered rat droppings,' Devlin complained, and the chamomile blossoms, like some tea was gonna be enough to relax them and lull them to sleep, but whatever. The shit tasted like sucking on grass but Naill seemed to like it and sometimes sharing a body meant putting up with things he'd rather not taste.
Flicking the levers closed produced a grinding sound from the raisins, and flicking it again only produced a dull, metallic clunk before raisins poured over the edge of the bag and onto the floor. They tried to stop them, using both hands to try and hold the raisins in but all that managed to do was send the blossoms flying, till it was raining chamomile into the ever growing pile on the floor.
Groaning, he tried to shuffle away, booted foot landing on a pile of raisins that caused his ankle to roll, spilling him sideways. The only thing to grab on to was the dispensers, one hand smacking into the lever, sending a hail of pistachios onto the floor. Throwing up his hands in frustration, he slunk away as carefully as he could, hurrying to the checkout line so he could get the hell out of there before something else went wrong.
At this point fast food would have been easier and far less stressful and if the checkout girl didn't hurry up and get him out of there before someone discovered the mess on the floor then it was going to prove to be a lot cheaper too.
"Told you so," Devlin giggled.
"Sometimes I think you do this shit on purpose," Naill bemoaned. "Every time you don't want to do something you turn it into a disaster."
"Consider it a hidden talent."
"Wish you'd keep it hidden, forever preferably, why do you have to do these things."
"In all truth and fairness, the whole, let's use our hyper reflexes to fill the bags faster thing was your idea, which proved to be an epic fail."
There was no way to argue that point so Naill let it slide, made much easier by the fact that the checkout clerk was dragging the final item across the scanner, the can of mushrooms that had started it all.
"Sixty-three dollars and fourteen cents is your total," she declared. "Do you have a food saver card?"
"Would you like to apply for one, you can do it today and start saving right away, it will take five percent off your total." she rambled, as Devlin caught sight of the store manager and the security guard heading for the coffee dispenser aisle.
"Umm no thanks, not today, we’ve gotta be going" Naill explained as he hastily swiped his card, punched in his pen number and gathered up the bags as the receipt started to flow out of the machine.
"Would you like your receipt," she called after them as they briskly headed for the door.
"No thanks," Naill called back over his shoulder.
The automatic doors seemed as if they couldn't open quickly enough and the second set seemed to take even longer, they'd nearly walked into the glass before it parted in front of their noses, sending a blast of frigid wind whipping around them.
Naill sighed and shifted the bags he carried, trying to better distribute the load. "Holy shit that was close."
"I would not wanna be the guy whose gotta do the cleanup."
"Yeah I'm sure he'd going to be loving you."
"Loving us you mean."
Nail just counted backwards peppering the numbers with the occasional curse.
"Okay chef, since this is still your show why don't you tell me what we're having for dinner, hope its something high carb and cheesy, we're supposed to patrol tonight."
"I'm not liking the sound of that."
"I forgot to get cheese."
"Awe come on man, seriously."
"Hey, it’s your fault, if you hadn't kept getting us into shit, I might not have forgotten anything."
"Come to think of it, we kind of forgot the eggs too."
"Oh for fuck's sake, Devlin."
"Hey, this was your show, remember,"
"And you're never gonna let me live it down, are you?"
"God, sometimes I hate you."
Fall leaves rustled and crunched beneath their feet, riled up by the cars that rushed past. Devlin kicked a can out of his path, watched it spin, clattering against the concrete before it finally struck a wall and ricochet off, smacking into the dull brown loafers of a man chattering away on his phone.
"Hey watch it!" the man complained, returning to his phone call moments later with complaints about even the sidewalks not being safe. Seemed like nothing today was destined to go right. In the distance, they could see their apartment looming; maybe tonight they should just stay in. Devlin was just about to suggest it when Naill paused, causing Devlin to stagger.
"Son of a bitch." Naill rasped with such venom in his voice that Devlin flinched. "SON OF A FUCKIN' BITCH!"
In an explosion of flapping wings the pigeons on the rooftop took to flight, a dark cloud rapidly fleeing into the distance.
"Language!" An older woman snapped from where she sat on her porch doing the crossword.
"Sorry ma'am," Devlin replied, giving her his most charming smile.
"Dude", he muttered under his breath, "what the hell was that all about?"
"I give up," Naill replied, hurrying them on their way to their apartment again. "All that shit we went through and guess what we forgot?"