Lactose Intolerant Part 4
Rounding
the corner to the organic section, they found the island with the coffees, teas
and nuts, a long row of dispensers with plastic baggies to collect dried goods
in. Grabbing two at a time they filled them with green tea leaves and light
roast beans, tied them off and grabbed two more. Expresso beans this time and
red rooibos tea, the packages stacked on top of the other two. The third time
around they shoved the bags beneath the yogurt covered raisins, 'yogurt covered
rat droppings,' Devlin complained, and the chamomile blossoms, like some tea
was gonna be enough to relax them and lull them to sleep, but whatever. The
shit tasted like sucking on grass but Naill seemed to like it and sometimes
sharing a body meant putting up with things he'd rather not taste.
Flicking
the levers closed produced a grinding sound from the raisins, and flicking it
again only produced a dull, metallic clunk before raisins poured over the edge
of the bag and onto the floor. They tried to stop them, using both hands to try
and hold the raisins in but all that managed to do was send the blossoms
flying, till it was raining chamomile into the ever growing pile on the floor.
Groaning,
he tried to shuffle away, booted foot landing on a pile of raisins that caused
his ankle to roll, spilling him sideways. The only thing to grab on to was the dispensers,
one hand smacking into the lever, sending a hail of pistachios onto the floor.
Throwing up his hands in frustration, he slunk away as carefully as he could, hurrying
to the checkout line so he could get the hell out of there before something
else went wrong.
At
this point fast food would have been easier and far less stressful and if the
checkout girl didn't hurry up and get him out of there before someone
discovered the mess on the floor then it was going to prove to be a lot cheaper
too.
"Told
you so," Devlin giggled.
"Sometimes
I think you do this shit on purpose," Naill bemoaned. "Every time you
don't want to do something you turn it into a disaster."
"Consider
it a hidden talent."
"Wish
you'd keep it hidden, forever preferably, why do you have to do these
things."
"In
all truth and fairness, the whole, let's use our hyper reflexes to fill the
bags faster thing was your idea, which proved to be an epic fail."
There
was no way to argue that point so Naill let it slide, made much easier by the
fact that the checkout clerk was dragging the final item across the scanner,
the can of mushrooms that had started it all.
"Sixty-three
dollars and fourteen cents is your total," she declared. "Do you have
a food saver card?"
"No."
"Would
you like to apply for one, you can do it today and start saving right away, it
will take five percent off your total." she rambled, as Devlin caught
sight of the store manager and the security guard heading for the coffee
dispenser aisle.
"Umm
no thanks, not today, we’ve gotta be going" Naill explained as he hastily swiped
his card, punched in his pen number and gathered up the bags as the receipt started
to flow out of the machine.
"Would
you like your receipt," she called after them as they briskly headed for
the door.
"No
thanks," Naill called back over his shoulder.
The
automatic doors seemed as if they couldn't open quickly enough and the second
set seemed to take even longer, they'd nearly walked into the glass before it
parted in front of their noses, sending a blast of frigid wind whipping around
them.
Naill
sighed and shifted the bags he carried, trying to better distribute the load.
"Holy shit that was close."
"I
would not wanna be the guy whose gotta do the cleanup."
"Yeah
I'm sure he'd going to be loving you."
"Loving
us you mean."
Nail
just counted backwards peppering the numbers with the occasional curse.
"Okay
chef, since this is still your show why don't you tell me what we're having for
dinner, hope its something high carb and cheesy, we're supposed to patrol
tonight."
"Shit."
"I'm
not liking the sound of that."
"I
forgot to get cheese."
"Awe
come on man, seriously."
"Hey,
it’s your fault, if you hadn't kept getting us into shit, I might not have forgotten
anything."
"Come
to think of it, we kind of forgot the eggs too."
"Oh
for fuck's sake, Devlin."
"Hey,
this was your show, remember,"
"And
you're never gonna let me live it down, are you?"
"Nope."
"God,
sometimes I hate you."
Fall
leaves rustled and crunched beneath their feet, riled up by the cars that
rushed past. Devlin kicked a can out of his path, watched it spin, clattering
against the concrete before it finally struck a wall and ricochet off, smacking
into the dull brown loafers of a man chattering away on his phone.
"Hey
watch it!" the man complained, returning to his phone call moments later
with complaints about even the sidewalks not being safe. Seemed like nothing
today was destined to go right. In the distance, they could see their apartment
looming; maybe tonight they should just stay in. Devlin was just about to suggest
it when Naill paused, causing Devlin to stagger.
"Son
of a bitch." Naill rasped with such venom in his voice that Devlin
flinched. "SON OF A FUCKIN' BITCH!"
In
an explosion of flapping wings the pigeons on the rooftop took to flight, a
dark cloud rapidly fleeing into the distance.
"Language!"
An older woman snapped from where she sat on her porch doing the crossword.
"Sorry
ma'am," Devlin replied, giving her his most charming smile.
"Dude",
he muttered under his breath, "what the hell was that all about?"
"I
give up," Naill replied, hurrying them on their way to their apartment
again. "All that shit we went through and guess what we forgot?"
"What?"
"The
milk."
*END*
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