Thoughtful Thursday or what I've learned from reading reviews.

 Thoughtful Thursday

 

So for this first thoughtful Thursday I thought I’d take the time to talk about something almost every author has had experience with. A bad review. And yeah, I know what they say about authors reading reviews, especially on Goodreads, you shouldn’t do it unless you’re prepared for that gut punch that might await you, but as a young author that wasn’t something I was warned about, so like an over excited child at Christmas, I’d hurry to see if any reviews had been put up on my newly released book, and celebrate when I saw that someone had, indeed, taken the time to leave one.

Most times they were good, a few times they were vicious, like the one from my second book that pretty much criticized the cover and the premises and what little bit was able to be read through the look inside on Amazon and then man, that reviewer went for blood. It is still the top review for that book and the one with the most comments and clicks saying that people found it helpful, which, as a newbie, was crushing.

For some reason, that one hit harder than the positive ones that had been left beneath it and left me doubting myself as a storyteller and an author. Fortunately, I’d already given the publisher the next book and we were already in edits and I’d signed a contract so I pushing ahead and trying to push that review out of my mind because writing had always been my dream and I wasn’t going to let anyone take that from me.

Of course, it wouldn’t be the last bad one, but the good have always outweighed the bad and I learned over time that, you know what, not everything is for everybody and not every book you write is going to be the right one for a reader who loved the previous book, that they might get mad when you change tropes or dive into a pair of characters they find difficult to relate too. They aren’t always going to like how an author handles a situation, or the way a character reacts to another character. I learned over the years that certain things just piss people off enough that they do not finish but have to tell you all about why and what you did wrong and why they felt that there was no redemption for a character after that.

Okay.

I get it.

But then I started thinking about one very important fact. They don’t know if they’re right or not. They don’t know if there was redemption, or if the character paid a huge price for their actions, they don’t know if groveling was involved, or if a character had to walk away from someone they realized that they cared a great deal for because they screwed up too badly.

Most of all, though, I had to learn that reviews were for readers.

I had to learn that there were things that could be learned from most negative reviews as well, and I’d like to say that there are certain criticisms that have helped shape me into a better writer, even if it stung to read at first.

I also had to learn that if I was going to go into that reader space and look, that I had to do it in the right headspace. I couldn’t dive in on a day when I was feeling self-doubt or a band case of imposter syndrome. I had to go prepared for the bad, but that also made celebrating the good so much sweeter.

I’ve always believed in sharing the story that the characters gave me, even if it took twists and turns that I knew some were going to look at and respond negatively too. The books I’ve loved writing the most have always been the ones where the words just poured onto the page and I didn’t try to control any of what the characters were doing.

I’m writing a book now that I know isn’t going to be for everyone. There is no slow burn, no build up to the characters getting steamy with one another. They see what they want, they go for what they want, and all that relationship stuff and feelings, have to develop on a little slower level than the physical, when in the past, in many of my books, it’s been the other way around.

Some are going to enjoy it.

Some are going to hate it.

A handful might even fall in love with it.

Those that hate this one might love the next, or they might never give me another chance again. All I can do is keep on doing what I do, what I love, what I’ve wanted to do since I lay in my bedroom with my favorite book, The Outsiders by SE Hinton, and tried to write my own version of the story.

In the time between then and now, there is something else I’ve come to recognize, and it was that they can’t give a review, good or bad, if I don’t put words on the page and produce another story. I can’t grow. I can’t do better. I can’t explore different sub-genres or create new worlds if I don’t sit down in my chair and put words in the document or on the paper. I can’t be afraid of rejection. I can’t be afraid to fail. I can’t give up because dreams die when you stop fighting for them and the only person who is ever going to fight for your dream is you.

So, on this thoughtful Thursday, I think back on those early reviews and acknowledge that good and bad, they made me stronger, they made me better, they made me more determined, and they proved that I could tell a story, which is what I’d set out to prove to myself in the first place.