Friday, January 5, 2024

Friday Fireworks: Handkillers, hymns and laughing like demented hyenas

 




These two did not get off to a good start. Koda was so shy and Kenji was a bit frustrated over it, since they were supposed to be living together and interacting as part of the project. 

Koda is an artist, a bit of a recluse, and not well-versed in social situations. Shy and a bit reserved, he sees an opportunity to break away from routine, and his trailer park home, when he spies a poster advertising a trial hosted by a college psychology department.

Titled A Social Experiment, the project pairs total strangers up to live together for a year either in groups of two or three. During that time, they are to record their experiences while performing a series of tasks outlined in the trial plan. It seemed simple enough until Koda found himself overwhelmed on moving-in day, leading him to get off on the wrong foot with new housemate Kenji.

All of his life, Kenji excelled at Tae Kwon Do, competing from a young age and quickly moving up in the ranks. His hard work and rigorous daily routine earned him accolades in regional and national-level competitions. As a second-degree black belt, he’d hoped to earn the opportunity to try out for the US Olympic team, only to have an accident cost him his chance at competing, as well as his left arm. Now, three years after his accident, he’s made a new life for himself, and while he still harbors bitterness over the loss of his dream, he’s hoping this experiment will be just the thing he needs to help him take that last leap back to living independently.

It’s a rocky road, gelling with one another, and dealing with each’s insecurities and triggers, but as each day ticks past, one question remains: where will they go when the experiment comes to an end?


“Okay, so, what the hell do you call that thing again?” Kenji grumbled.

“A handkiller,” Koda explained.

“And how exactly is that supposed to work?”

“By not getting blasted to pieces, which is failing tonight,” Koda remarked, shaking his head at his cards. “What the hell is this bullshit?”

Listening to Koda grumble beneath his breath as he studied the opening hand of a deck that already failed twice, Kenji had to hand it to him, he was persistent if nothing else.

“Yes, land!”

“Having a mana problem over there?” Kenji chuckled.

“Yeah,” Koda remarked, sticking his tongue out at him. “You keep nuking them.”

Wow, okay, so he could be playful.

Hymn to Tourach,” Koda said as he tapped two swamps and held up a card.

“What the hell does that do?” Kenji asked, taking it so he could read it closer. “Damn, okay, seriously.”

“Yup and it’s at random, so just hold your hand up and I’ll pick,” Koda remarked, showing two cards from Kenji’s hand, and dropping them on the table. “You really didn’t need those.”

Was he…smirking at him? Damn. He was. He did have a competitive streak.

“Yeah, I kinda did,” Kenji remarked. “Just for that, you can eat this lightning bolt.”

“Looks yummy, but I don’t think so,” Koda remarked, discarding a card from his hand to cast a counterspell without using mana.

Hymn to Tourach my ass,” Kenji grumbled, not one round later when Koda did it again, leaving him with one card left. “What is this bullshit? Damnit! I needed those.”

“Card gods said you didn’t,” Koda replied, grinning as Kenji did the only thing he could, which was play a land tax and hope at some point Koda ended up with more land than him, though now, he was beginning to regret nuking so many of Koda’s because it was keeping him from being able to draw more now that he desperately needed them. “You done?”

“Yeah, cause you Hymn to Tourached my shit!”

“How many cards do you have left in your hand?”

“One,” Kenji groaned.

“Okay,” Koda replied, tapping one of his swamps. “Funeral charm.”

“Oh my god, seriously!” Kenji groaned, tossing the card on the table. “Not like I could use it, anyway, was a damn fireblast and I haven’t seen six mana all game.”

“That’s precisely the point.”

“Balance,” Kenji grumbled, playing the one card he grabbed.

“Okay,” Koda said, dropping the three cards left in his hand, then pointing over at Kenji’s land. “You gotta lose one of those though.”

“Wait…what…”

Kenji grumbled, glancing across the table to realize Koda had been doing all that damage to his hand with only two black mana.

“Son of a bitch, I cannot believe I did that.”

“Me either,” Koda muttered as he lay down another land, “but thanks.”

Tapping three swamps, Koda laid out a hypnotic specter.

“What is that thing anyway?” Kenji asked on his next turn.

“A two/two Hippy.”

“Lightning bolt that shit.”

“Awesome, thanks, it’s easier to bring creatures back from the graveyard than it is to cast them with this deck.”

“Seriously! Oh, come on! I was set up. I was run amuck. I was led astray,” Kenji complained.

“Yup, by your own competitiveness,” Koda giggled, drawing a card, and sitting there with it.

“Incinerate you for three,” Kenji declared, tapping two red lands.

“Nope, counterspell,” Koda remarked. “You done?”

“Apparently so.”

Again, Koda drew, this time, tucking the card away in his hand, while Kenji managed to pull a card that gave him two lives for every card in his hand, meaning the one card he had left.

“Rack,” Koda remarked, laying out a card on his very next turn that cost Kenji one life for each card under three he had. Meaning those two lives he’d just gained were gone again.

“Dammit!”

An orcish artillery came into play, that witsh circle red, he could use to whittle away at Koda’s life. The only question now would be which of them would run out of lives first. He hit Koda for three with it, prevented the two damage the card would naturally have done to him, had a brief flash of triumph, only to have it crushed when Koda played yet another rack.

“Really?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Shit!”

He had two turns to plink away at Koda with those orcs, before finally building up enough cards in his hand to cast something, in this case, an orcish cannoneer.

“Oh, hell no,” Koda remarked, tapping a swamp, dropping a dark ritual, and tapping everything in front of him. “Powersink the fuck outta that and tap all your shit, the new orcs go away, and the old ones can just sit there.”

“But…but…they were just late to the party.”

“Nope.”

“They were bringing the beer.”

“Orcish beer sucks.”

“I wouldn’t know, didn’t have a chance to taste any of the shit,” Kenji grumbled, “And for the record, that damned powersink sucks,” Kenji remarked, dumping the cannoneers in his graveyard as Koda cackled with glee. “That’s like sending someone to do a beer run, only to kick them out of the party when they get back, beer and all, what was the point of that?”

“No point, just amusing,” Koda remarked, eyes shining bright, and that smile, damn but Kenji didn’t find himself distracted by it, and the way Koda’s face was all lit up for him.

“Coercion,” Koda remarked on his turn, drawing Kenji out of his brief jaunt into daydream land. 

“What the hell does that do?”

“I get to look at your cards and make you discard one,” Koda explained as Kenji groaned and passed his cards over, knowing full well what Koda would see.

“Yeah, this one’s got to go,” Koda replied, passing over his second artillery. “Nice land, by the way, looks about the same as my hand.”

“You’re seriously not going to play one until I do, are you?” Kenji muttered.

“Nope,” Koda remarked, the pair dissolving into laughter, right before Koda brought another Hypnotic specter into play, and drain lifed the hell out of the one artillery Kenji did have. An attempt at a lightning bolt failed, followed by the arcane denial of Kenji’s attempt to blast it out of existence, which left his hand already one short. Koda wrecked the rest of it with another gods be damned Hymn to Tourach, and the racks did the rest, obliterating the remainder of Kenji’s life.

“Now that is how the deck is supposed to work,” Koda remarked, leaving Kenji to sit and wonder how the hell he’d gotten lured into such a perfect trap.


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