Sunshine streamed through his hair as he moved from one pen to the next, feeding the animals and rubbing fuzzy ears whenever they nuzzled his hand. The goats loved to have their foreheads scratched, nudging with so much enthusiasm that grain spilled from the bucket Randy carried, drawing the attention of more members of the herd.
He was on to their tricks, but their antics were amusing and never failed to bring a smile to his face, unlike the man who’d been clanging around beneath the skid loader since he arrived, Shinedown blaring from his phone, Josh’s voice occasionally mingling with the song.
He sang A Symptom of Being Human like he was performing it on a stage, loud, enthusiastic and full of emotion, the same way he used to sing for Randy on those rare times when he could bribe him into it. He learned early never to ask when others were around, Josh would not only flat-out refuse, but he’d get downright testy about it. Even Christmas carols were off limits if others could hear him, which was a shame, because his voice was fantastic, even now when Randy hated him being there.
What he hated more was the progress Josh was already making on the machine. Sure, they were in desperate need of it, especially with all of the supplies they’d need to unload later in the week. But the first rumble of life that old machine had let out was not twenty-five minutes after Josh had started tinkering with, which had only served to highlight Randy's own shortcomings with anything mechanical. There should never have been any reason for his Uncle to trade Beuleh to his ex.
A part of him wished Josh had said no.
Not about helping, but about accepting that bike as payment. It meant that at some point, Randy was going to have to see him on the back of it and each time he did, he knew he’d remember those early days of careening around on the back of Josh’s dirt bike, clinging to him and laughing as they flew down trails and bounced over obstacles.
Beuleh was built to carry two. It had always felt odd to see his uncle tear off on her without his aunt on the back. He was torn between wanting to know and never wanting to find out who Josh invited to ride on the back with him.
It should have been him his inner voice screamed, the same way it had screamed liar, liar, liar when Josh slammed the door on Gary’s inquiry about him shifting and about Randy being his mate. Ever since he’d come back here, he’d dreamed of the press of warm fur against his side and the comfort he’d taken from the misshapen creature who’d pressed itself against his side when he’d lay broken and bleeding on the forest floor. He’d forgotten about that. Buried it really and convinced himself it had all been a dream until he’d heard his uncle’s story.
Even then he hadn’t admitted to it. It was the only shred of that day he kept to himself. It wasn’t that he didn’t want his uncle to know, he knew Gary would just try harder to get Josh to admit the truth, which was the real issue.
It shouldn’t take convincing, persuasion, threats or even bribes. If Josh had ever given even a shred of a damn about him, Randy wouldn’t just be learning about the Miracinonyx genes now and what it could potentially mean for him.
Of course, there was still that one nagging possibility that lingered in the back of his mind.
It wasn’t Josh.
His inner voice didn’t agree with that assumption and if he was being honest with himself, Josh’s heart and injured soul didn’t agree with it either.
Which left him hating the man now singing Simple Man even harder than ever before.
“You glare at that boy any harder and laser beams are gonna come shooting out of your eyes and fry him right along with my skid loader.”
His uncle’s voice jarred him out of his thoughts and led to him spilling the last of the grain in his bucket, making for some extremely happy sheep.
“He’s a liar,” Randy spat.
“I know,” Gary replied. And so are you.”
“Excuse me?”
“You tell me you hate him, but that isn’t all hate I see on your face. It’s love and longing, hurt and regret. You won’t admit to them, and you can’t move past them. That’s on you as much as it is on him.”
For a moment, it was on the tip of Josh’s tongue to tell him about the cat in the forest, then he shoved the thought aside, gave the goats one last scratch and headed in to get feed for the chickens, grateful when his uncle didn’t follow.
By the time he emerged, Gary had made it over to where Josh was still hard at work on the skid loader, adding fluids now while Gary inspected the hoses. He could just make out Josh’s mouth moving, but whether he was still singing along to the song or answering a question Randy’s uncle had posed to him it was impossible to know. He couldn’t hear anything besides the music, only it wasn’t Shinedown playing now, but Godsmack’s Under Your Scars, a song Josh both loved and loathed.
And this was just day one.
His inner voice was laughing, mocking the raging conflict Randy was struggling with…and the nagging urge he felt to stalk over there and demand that Josh sing Seether’s Breakdown.
Ironically enough, it was the first song Josh had ever sung to him, and the one that had been playing over and over in his head since the day he realized Josh had not only broken the promise he’d made to him, but broken Randy’s soul in the process.
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